I'm Doing A Lot of Hard Things

On unlearning hedonism and embracing sacred discomfort

You know those days/weeks/months when everything feels like trying to push a car in park up a steep hill—that kind of impossible uphill battle? Yeah, I'm having one of those.

This week alone, I've been sick and my toddler has been sick, but because I'm a homeschooling mom, I've still had to show up with my depleted tank. Which has meant that I've had a lot less patience than I would usually have for...everyone really. I'm behind on everything I wanted to do this week and I'm exhausted in every sense of the word.

"You can do hard things" has lost its novelty for me because my ability was never in question. My willingness is. I only want to do one hard thing at a time.

Between marriage, parenting, self-improvement, and obedience to God, I'm doing more adulting than ever before in my life. I find myself asking, why is everything so hard?

When Did Hard Become Bad?

The more I asked that question, the more I've been thinking: what makes 'hard' so bad?

On one hand, I think many of us—myself included—have bought into this "soft life" propaganda that basically says you can choose to opt into an easier life. This has become the American dream: a life free of stress and hardship.

On the other hand, maybe we're simply hedonistic as a result of the Fall—"living and behaving in ways that mean we have as much pleasure as possible, according to the belief that the most important thing in life is to enjoy yourself."

There's this joke that circles every year about "not wanting to be on God's toughest soldiers list this year," and again it's this subconscious idea that life is a buffet table and we can choose to avoid the hard stuff.

Ease Is My Right…Right?

Where and when did we buy into this idea that life is supposed to be easy, at least most of the time?

As a Christian, I've often thought that ease was my right, a reward for following Jesus, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

John 16:33 says: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

And I'll be painfully honest and say the awareness of this reality has made me want to tap out of Christianity on more than one occasion.

But then I think about how the rain falls on the just and the unjust (Matthew 5:45)—meaning whether you're with Jesus or against Him, you're going to experience hardship. So then I quickly realize I would rather go through hardship with Him than without Him. It's literally a case of "choose your hard."

Maybe Its a Branding Thing?

I need to know who did the PR for working out because we gladly accept and expect pain as a means of growth in that context. Progressive overloading and micro-tears with resistance training and all that. I've heard many describe the post-leg day pain as kind of...enjoyable?

If we can admit that hard in this context is good and easy means it's not doing much for you, why do we resist hard everywhere else? Is it because the spiritual/emotional/mental gains are less tangible or measurable?

What’s Really Going On?

Reflecting on the narrative I’ve had about hardship I realized maybe my resistance to and avoidance of hard is showing me things about my heart I need to pay attention to:

• Hard makes me feel weak

• Hard makes me feel in over my head

• Hard makes me feel out of control

• Hard makes me starkly aware of my need of and dependence on God

• Hard shows me the ugly stuff inside me that I'd rather not see

• Hard makes me feel alone

• Hard makes me feel inadequate

• Hard is work and tiring

• Hard is inconvenient

I wonder what would happen if I just accepted that a certain degree of hardship is just part of life.

• Would I be more willing to pull out a chair for 'hard' when it comes to sit at the table?

• Would I be less in a hurry to escape the hard?

• Would I complain less and reframe more?

• Would I allow hardship to do its work in me— "letting suffering produce endurance, and endurance produce character, and character produce hope"? (Romans 5:3-5)

• Would I be more curious about what it's supposed to be exposing in me and/or meant to be teaching me?

• Would I be able to "count it all joy"? (James 1:2-4)

The Reframe

As I continue navigating life’s challenges, here are some things I’m learning to pray:

1. Lord, give me the strength of the woman You think I am when You allow all this hardship.

2. Lord, show me where You are in the midst of this hard, give me reminders that You’re in this with me.

3. Lord, show me the opportunities I have today to share in Your suffering.

4. Deliver me from the idol of self-sufficiency. When I feel weak help me remember you never asked me to do anything in my strength because this vulnerable space is where Your strength is made perfect.

5. Help me see what You’ve used, and are using hardship to produce in me. Help see my gains from heaven’s perspective.

Clearly whether we go through hardship or not isn’t up to us but how go through it is.

Here are some questions for you to sit with the next time you’re faced with something hard:

1. What is the narrative I’m forming about myself, God and this situation because of this hardship?

2. How can I reframe this difficulty?

3. What would it look like for you to not avoid or resist but to welcome hard with open arms, make a bed for it as long as it’s meant to stay and thank it for the gifts when it’s time for it to leave?